Recent Posts

Jeff Kohlver: You were coming on to me!

Hayley Stark: Oh, come on. That's what they always say, Jeff. The pedophiles? "Oh, she was so sexy. She was asking for it. She was only technically a girl, she acted like a woman". It's just so easy to blame a kid, isn't it? Just because a girl knows how to imitate a woman, does not mean she's ready to do what a woman does!

What you see is what you get. Or… well, not. First off, Lucille has this stage persona that she's known for—tattoos, piercings, leather jackets and all that. She certainly looks the part of a punk rocker, and that's probably what people expect her to be—a foul-mouthed existentialist, smoking cigarettes and always with some high-handed critique of "the establishment." They're not completely wrong—she swears like a sailor and sometimes she complains about "the establishment," but she hates smoking and what is existentialism again? Contrary to expectations, however, she's got a bubbly persona under that ink-covered skin, and most of the time, her fashion even leans towards feminine and cute rather than punk.

So, level 1: what you see is not what you get. Outside of her rants about the obvious injustices of the world, Lucille is a cheerful young woman, with much too many things to say and not enough time to say it. Her most salient trait, perhaps, is that her mouth runs at a mile a minute, and that isn't an understatement. She loves to talk and to hear herself talking, and she can strike up a conversation with almost everyone. Especially when excited, her wordstendtostartrunningtogetherlikethis, and at that point it might be prudent to ask her to slow down. This love of producing words doesn't just extend to talking either; Lucille's also an avid texter and chatroom user, and she'll either be on her phone or her laptop if she doesn't have a friend right next to her.

Lucille's a social butterfly, after all, and she hates boredom. Being alone is okay if she can text someone, but other than exercising, she's not very good at entertaining herself without someone with her. As such, she is almost never by herself; rather, she's always at campus events, in the common hall, or practicing with her band. She's a great person to talk to if someone needs help getting to know the school and its students; she'd settled in almost immediately her first year, managed to find a niche for herself and made quick friends.

Yes, Lucille has the type of personality that draws people to her. She's passionate but easygoing, as quick to laugh as she is to crack a joke. She's very supportive of friends and acquaintances alike, and though she might not be the best person to go to for advice on delicate matters, she's happy to listen and do what she can. She is also very protective of younger people and people she's close to, and would go to great lengths to help them. This protectiveness, however, often leads to a concern for them that may border on nosiness. She may stick her nose into other people's business that they would rather she stay out of, but the intentions are good, and she's not so proud as to not apologize if properly scolded.

As might follow from her high-energy persona, Lucille also tends to be impulsive. She makes decisions on a whim and is prone to impulse-buying and procrastination. She has a tendency to ignore deadlines and time-constraints, leading to tardiness. It's not exactly that she's lazy or dumb—more irresponsible. She wants to do the things she likes to do, and homework and papers can always be put off until a later date… Like the night before it's due. But even if she has an aversion to due dates, she is actually quite the diligent worker if she's given work she considers worthwhile.

She doesn't think before she acts either, much more oriented towards instant gratification than stressing over long-term consequences. This leads her often to make mistakes that end up penalizing her—some low grades, for instance. The same applies to her words; she doesn't necessarily think before speaking, so while she may be sensitive and considerate towards others, sometimes the wrong things leave her mouth, especially if she's talking to someone she's unfamiliar with. She makes an effort to be less blunt and not to say the first thing she fancies, but accidents still happen.

In spite of her impulsiveness, it can't be said that Lucille isn't smart. She might not come off as especially clever or cunning when you first meet her, and she isn't, much. That's a little too underhanded and manipulative for her; rather, If you had to pick a way to describe Lucille's particular brand of intelligence, it would probably be 'street-smart.' She's a quick thinker and she acts fast on her feet. She's guided by a certain instinct, rather than rational calculation, on how to react in dangerous situations. No, she probably can't come up with an elaborate plan on the spot, but she can figure out how to get out of a tight situation in the most direct and quickest way possible.

That said, Lucille has a more earnest side too. She gets riled up easily regarding topics she cares strongly for, and she isn't afraid to speak her mind on them. This comes from a strong sense of right and wrong, and if she believes she is right—well, good luck trying to convince her otherwise. It's not that she isn't willing to see other sides of things, but she prioritizes justice and compassion, so if the opposing argument fails in those criteria, she is unlikely to listen. She's not philosophical—she doesn't care about whether universal morality exists—but she knows much about and especially cares for human suffering. It's only moral.

However, this can lead to some troubling tendencies. Lucille can be argumentative and rude, stubborn to back down from her viewpoints. She may be seen as self-righteous in that regard, but she hardly cares what people think about her as long as she's doing what's right. It made her a bit of a troublemaker in her childhood, and something of a rabble-rouser now. As a child, she wasn't afraid to use a little bit of violence to exact justice (just a few punches—nothing serious), but that tendency has reared up again with an ugly vengeance.

Level 2: what you see is exactly what you get. Tattoos, piercings, untamed hair—all the markings of a violent and maladjusted individual (so people would have you believe). Whoever assumes that she is, because of her appearance, will get an earful of heated words, not necessarily because they've misjudged her, but because they've done so with the wrong evidence. See, she's… started a hobby, lately. Or not so much of a hobby since it isn't regular, but—

After a certain incident, she's developed a sort of complex. It doesn't arise very often, but—well—anger is often overwhelming and unpredictable. During those moments, she is consumed with a desire for vengeance, a red-hot fury, a righteous fury. In those moments, she's capable of things she never dreamed she would be capable of—sadistic games of cat and mouse that only end with a noose around someone's neck. The most remarkable thing, she thinks, is that she doesn't even feel anything about it afterward. The only thought that sticks with her is that yes, some people deserve to die. Because—no, she isn't one of them, but there are good people out there, and those people need to be protected. How do you consider her "hobby"? Violence? Bloodshed? Revolting? She considers it justice.

♥ Fish. Fish are amazing. Fish are her friends. She loves how colorful they are, and the way they swim around the water. She likes them so much that she volunteered to stay after hours in the biology lap to take care of the fish tank. She also keeps a pet betta fish in her dorm room, which she has named Coco. (However, this isn't to say she won't eat fish—they're good food too.)

♥ The aquarium. The blue reminds her of home—or what she remembers home must be like—it's been awhile since she's been there. Her mother would always take her to aquariums though, whether in Victoria or London, and those memories have stayed with her as precious jewels.

♥ The outdoors. Having grown up in a house surrounded by nature, Lucille actually dislikes the city. She much prefers to be someplace with lots of trees and sand and water, where she can spend her time in leisure. This has lead her to be very interested in the conservation of the environment, and what prompted her to enter into an Environmental Studies major. Unfortunately, England lacks much of this.

♥ Food. Lucille cannot cook for the life of her, so she's always really appreciative when she can get good food. Thankfully, there's a cafeteria on campus where she can get herself fed, otherwise she'd be living off of simple sandwiches and microwaveable dinners. So if you want to be her friend, feel free to treat her to a lunch or two. She'll love you for that!

♥ Animals. Even though fish are her favorite, she loves all kinds of animals. Seriously, all kinds. From snakes to platypuses to giant millipedes—she can handle all of them. It's a great thing that there's a zoo in town, and she thinks she'd love to try getting a job there sometime.

♥ Physical activity. Lucille has been active all her life: swimming, running, playing sports you name it. She can't stand sitting around for too long, and even in London she's joined the volleyball team. This love extends to simple handcrafting too. In fact, Lucille is very nimble with her hands, and she's learned to build and fix things since she was young.

♥ Music. Well, duh. Otherwise she'd hardly be doing what she's doing, right? It's the best way she has of expressing herself and getting her messages out to people in a popular ways, and the creativity and adrenaline flow behind it is always a plus. She loves getting lost in her music, loves the way it feels to pour out her heart out on stage without making things too personal (after all, there are parts of her she'd rather people not know the truth about either). She can sing about anything and no one can hold it against her, though what she sings about can be pretty neatly characterized as subversive, disparaging, and a little bit offensive.

♥ Talking. Talkative, talkative Luci. She always has something to say and contribute, and she doesn't hesitate to lay it all out for whoever is willing to listen!

♥ Writing. It's just another way of using words, after all. And she has many, many words to say. Someone needs to write her songs too, so why not her? She's not in charge of the music part though—just the lyrics, which is well enough. She can't write a melody to save her life.

♥ Gossip. Even the most good-natured of people like gossip. It's hard to resist wanting to be in the know about all the juicy details about someone's private life, especially if you want to talk about what mean thing someone has done. She tries not to let this influence how she treats people... Except sometimes she does. Whoops.

♥ Her fans. She would never have made it as far as she did without them, so she's eternally grateful. It feels good to have a large following of people who admire and look up to her, and she appreciates them beyond that too. She sees each and every one of them as people (which everyone rightly should), and is very open to interacting with them, either by staying after concerts to talk or responding to any letters or emails she may receive.

♥ Seeing people happy. Nothing beats that, really. Even though she's not really concerned with the happiness of everyone equally, most people deserve to be happy. It makes her feel better too, when she is able to cheer up one of those deserving people or make them laugh.

♥ Friends and family. They're some of the most important people in her life. They support her and love her and she does the same for them in return.

♥ Adventure. It's been her dearest wish since childhood to go on an adventure. She always loved daydreaming of hunting down a vicious creature or fighting sea-monsters, but unfortunately none of those wishes had been granted. But there are other beasts to hunt.

♥ Cold weather. Coming from a warm climate, she can't stand the cold. Her absences in class always increase exponentially when winter comes about, and she has a tendency to lock herself in her rooms those months. She also becomes ill quite easily and has even claimed to feel lightheaded when in cold weather for too long.

♥ Cities. Also another major change from her birthplace. She doesn't like how dirty cities are and how there's barely any grass anywhere. She'd much prefer to have sand beneath her feet than gravel, not to mention the crowds of people and cars! Ugh. There's really nothing fun about cities.

♥ Parties/clubs/bars. Even though she's social, she prefers to socialize in reasonable places. She finds that these places too noisy and too hard to keep track of—what's the point of talking to someone if you can't hear them in the first place? The pounding music and flashing lights quickly give her a headache too, and the only occasion where she can stand these situations is probably during performances, when she's too lost in the adrenaline rush to notice.

♥ Responsibilities. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.

♥ Shoes. She doesn't hate them, but she sure as hell doesn't like them. If she can find anywhere she can go barefoot, she will.

♥ Men. Again, it's not like she actually hates them. She's mainly suspicious of the ones she does not yet know, at least before they demonstrate themselves not to be entitled or rude or discriminatory—well, all three, really. Basically, men have to prove to her their decency first.

♥ Smoking.

♥ Drinking.

♥ Abuse.

♥ Discrimination. It's the stuff she rails against in her songs (and her daily life, if given the chance). Honestly? It's sick, period. No further explanation needed.

♥ Hypocrites. They're basically just people who believe that their own rules don't apply to them. Well, guess what? If you're going to tell other people they have to be so good at something, you'd better hold yourself to the same level. You're not better than anyone and everyone, sweetcheeks.

♥ Rudeness. Some people are just outright rude. There may be some situations that call for it, but people who are rude for no reason (other than having a stick up their ass) really piss her off and she won't hesitate to dose them with their own medicine. Even worse if these people are rude because they're entitled, ugh.

♥ To own an aquarium. The first time she visited an aquarium and entered the glass tunnel with fish all around her, she fell in love. She could only imagine what it would be like to constantly see corals and colorful scales all around her, and thus spawned the childish, if desperately sought-after, wish of being able to live in an aquarium. Wouldn't it be relaxing to fall asleep watching to those beautiful animals swimming above you?

♥ To travel. She's lived most of her life in London, and now she wants to experience more (hopefully not all other places will be as rainy as here). She's particularly interested in seeing South America and Southeast Asia, and she hopes she'll be able to visit those areas someday—or anywhere, really. She just wants to get out and see all sorts of different cultures and eat all sorts of different foods, and maybe someday she'll actually be able to afford it.

♥ To have fun. She's young, and she hasn't had many life philosophies yet, but she knows that she doesn't want to waste her entire life away. She knows that schoolwork and grades are important, but she sees no point in being alive if all you're going to do is slave away over paperwork. This is why she's so intrigued with adventure; she dreams of experiencing new (and maybe dangerous) things and to be able to live life on the edge—to its fullest. She wants to let loose and enjoy the things the world has to offer—even if she cuts herself too loose, sometimes.

♥ Justice. She hopes the world will be just someday. Maybe it's idealistic, but she thinks someday it can happen. It'll probably be far in the future though, so for now, she'll concentrate on what justice can be achieved. And where law enforcement and society at large fail... Well, she can always step in.

♥ For her mother to be happy. After the sadness her mother has seen, she believes that her maman deserves all the happiness in the world. She should be able to live without worries, and Lucille tries to provide that to her by causing as little trouble as possible. Thank god they don't have to worry about money, at least.

♥ To go home. It's been so long since she's last seen Seychelles, and she feels disconnected. Although she still speaks Seychelloise Creole and has some links to the nation, she feels like she needs to find some time to go back and reacquaint herself. Europe's not the only place with problems she should learn about, after all.

♥ Knowing she's forgiven. She never knew what her mother thought about the murder, and without knowing, she cannot stop blaming herself for it. Not for the murder, but for being the cause of her mother's sadness. She wants nothing more than to be told she's done the right thing, but she doesn't even know if her mother is relieved that he is gone.

♥ Falling in love. It just seems so confusing and daunting. She listens to her friends talk about their relationships, and to her they just seem like a jumble of drama and tears, and they just don't seem to be worth the time and effort. Not to mention, relationships can become dangerous so quickly, and she's learnt to distrust such things as romance.

♥ Losing independence. Lucille is completely terrified of being constrained. She loves being herself and doing what she wants, and she can't imagine having to be subservient to someone or someone else's needs. Naturally a drifter who wants to appreciate all aspects of life, Lucille doesn't want to be tied down. She feels that she doesn't owe society what it expects of her, and she'd rather carve out her own path and her own way to achieve a happy life.

♥ Bad things happening to family members and friends. She loves everyone close to her, and she worries that they will be hurt. There are bad people out there, and luckily they aren't the majority of the population, but they might just happen to get their claws on those people she loves. Logically, those people aren't any more valuable inherently than others, but your feelings don't process that. She wants her friends and family to be happy—they deserve it—and never have to suffer the crueler aspects of the world, especially at the hands of another person. But if that happens—if that happens, that person will deserve everything that is coming for them.

♥ Her past coming back. Her actions in the present she'll take sole responsibility for. But her past can come back in so many different ways... What if someone else she loves falls into the same type of relationship? What if someone finds out what she did? It'll just cause her mother more pain, and she doesn't want to be the source of that. Her mother deserves a good life and she wants more than anything to be able to give her that.

{{Mentions domestic violence and suicide.}}

Lucille was never given a childhood by her fathers. Her first disappeared when she was barely old enough to remember. Her second was a rich man, working in the Seychelles branch of a London-based business. Perhaps her mother had always been a bit naïve, a bit idealistic, a bit eager to fall, but she had always had bad luck in love. Lucille was the little bit of serendipity in a world that had not been easy—but this is getting ahead of ourselves.

Magie Nibourette met Thomas Morel at a point in life when she felt she had to marry soon or remain a bachelorette forever. Thomas was a fisherman, and her mother used to say that he had a smile that was like sunlight reflecting off the waves. He was nice, he was earnest, the type of guy in a war movie who would carry a picture of his family just to get shot halfway into the story. What ended up happening was not quite that, but it was rather close. Thomas and Magie married a year after their first meeting, and Lucille Morel was born not long after. Despite this, it really is true that she barely remembers her biological father, only the vague feeling of big, gentle hands that held her and lulled her to sleep. When she was three years old, Thomas set out for sea one day and never came back. Even years later, when she asked maman what had happened to her father, she would insist that Thomas was still coming back someday. Maybe Lucille even believed her a little. She said the words with such trust, conviction, love that Lucille never doubted that her birth parents were truly, really fallen for each other.

The second marriage, not so much. But all the love in the world couldn't pay the bills, couldn't raise a little girl alone. When Lucille was five, Magie Morel met Richard Burke, an Englishman who was living on their little island for a few months for business purposes. Magie and Richard ended up in a quick romance, probably too fast. The side of her mother was driven partly by aimlessness, partly by lingering grief, and such decisions never boded well. At the end of Richard's stay, he brought Magie and Lucille back with him to London. The rest of the family objected, telling the lovestruck Magie that the affair was much too hasty, that she was still not in a state to make such a hefty decision, but the protests were brushed off with a bright, hopeful smile.

For the first few years, it seemed she was right. Thomas was gallant, chivalrous, charming—anything a lonely woman could want, so it was no wonder that Magie was so taken with him, so happy to marry him. Of course, Lucille was happy too. She was spoilt well, given toys and clothing, and a house much bigger than the one she lived in in Seychelles. They were the perfect image of family—but of course, it wouldn't be life on Earth without its trials, and trials often reveal the ugliest sides of people. Richard was such a person.

The company began to fail when Lucille was ten, and Richard's temperament grew notably sour. He came home angry, ranting about cuts to his paycheck, the promotion that should have gone to him, the stupid stunts of management. Her mother tried to be supportive, did everything in her power to comfort him, but it would only work for periods of time. The worse the company's situation got, the worse Richard became. But Lucille was still blissfully unaware of the trouble brewing in their household, her mother shielding her from the impending disaster. At the time, Lucille did not know exactly how much of a shield.

Richard started to drink in excess, smoke, started to allow his temper to get the best of him. The day the company declared bankruptcy was the first day he laid hand on Lucille's mother. Lucille would see the bruises on her mother's arms, but maman was always quick to brush them off, and a prepubescent girl hardly had the awareness nor the attention span to question her mother. A year went on in which she was blind to the violence in her house—a year in which Richard searched for employment, a year in which Magie bore the brunt of his anger. Lucille only found out about the pain Richard inflicted upon her mother when she was twelve and came home to the sight of a broken bottle and her mother crying, clutching a bleeding hand. The moment Richard saw her standing there, he scoffed and left.

From then on out, Lucille's fairytale world began to crumble. She didn't know what to make of this new development, and the only person she could confide in was her tutor, Léa. The college student was older, smart, and trusted by Lucille, and she was the only one she could turn to for advice. As much as Léa counseled them to leave, and as many times as Lucille repeated those words to her mother, she wouldn't go. In spite of her blackened eye, Magie still believed in the best of people, believed that Richard would be back to himself one day. And where her mother stayed, so did Lucille.

But her mother was wrong on that count. Richard was never back to himself, and it all came to a head on Lucille's thirteenth birthday. Imagine this: returning home from school, waving good-bye to your friends on the street. Imagine opening the door, imagine the first sounds to greet you are screaming and crying. Imagine your mother in the kitchen, pinned against the wall and that dirty, filthy pig with his fingers around her throat. Imagine getting the guts for the first time to tell him to stop. Imagine, for the first time, he goes after you.

It was purely self-defense. She grabbed the knife off the counter and told him to leave them alone or else. But a grown man doesn't listen to little girls—they never do. He went after her instead, and he grabbed for the knife, and… She fell backward. And he went with her. And the knife slid like ice through the carotid artery, severing it in a neat stroke, spilling blood as red as her ribbons all over the kitchen floor. For a moment, she thought she was drowning in it.

They were probably lucky that Léa stopped by then; they were probably lucky that Léa knew exactly what to do. (Even though, thinking back on it, Lucille still thinks it's absolutely uncanny, she doesn't pry.) Of that moment, she only remembers vaguely that her mother was desperately trying to pin the accident on herself, taking the blame for Lucille. The excuse probably sounded ridiculous; after all, what she remembers even better than what words transpired between Magie and Léa is the feeling of how hot and sticky all that blood felt against her skin.

Rather than calling the police, Léa helped them. They cleaned off the still-shocked Lucille, then spent a day on the road with Richard's body locked in the trunk until Léa deemed them far away enough to dispose of it. As far as Lucille knows, the corpse still hasn't been found.

If only it were so easy to say that life returned to normal after that. Lucille was sick for days, not attending school for nearly a month before she pulled herself together enough to go back to classes. Her mother had grown more withdrawn, and though Lucille knew she didn't blame her, she couldn't help but feel guilty. She'd killed him after all, didn't she? Her mother's love? And yet maman was just as gentle and caring with her as always. Once things settled back into routine, they never talked about Richard again, and Lucille still doesn't know what her mother thinks about the murder. Maybe it's better that way, but God, what she would give to be told that she did the right thing.

Somehow, they kept it together enough for Lucille Nibourette to start college, at which point her mother returned to Seychelles. Lucille had been drawn to music in those five years between… that, and college, and she got in with a music audition which earned her a small scholarship as well. Living on her own now, she decided she was going to start anew—or, as much as she could. She'd already pushed those memories to the back of her mind as soon as she could do it, but now she would immerse herself in a new lifestyle, and sure enough, her personality made her some fast friends at Imperial College. Ambitious and still at the age to dream, they started a band: guitar, bass, drums and vocals. Though only performing for three years, they've become rather well-known on the campus and in the locality.

But the past never stays quiet. Lucille had always been close with people who considered themselves her fans, especially the younger girls aged fifteen or so who looked up to her. One of them was named Donna, fourteen, who had snuck into the local bar one night to watch them play and never went home. She was declared missing, last seen at their concert. Concerned and anxious, Lucille did all she could to help with the police investigation, but not even they were able to turn up much—so she turned to her fans instead. She established as many contacts as she could through their website, asking each of them where or with whom they'd last seen Donna, and she finally turned up a clue. Someone had seen her leaving with a much older male patron, which a little more digging revealed to be photographer Jeff Kramer. Lucille was enraged, so disgusted and repulsed that she could only think of vengeance. Well, if she had done it once, why not again?

Six months later, Jeff Kramer was found in his house, hanging from the roof. He'd left behind a note detailing his shame about his sins, and a Scotland Yard sweep of his house revealed plenty of evidence. Donna's case was finally closed. Yes, Lucille had made sure of it.

She decided to keep the network she'd created in the search for Donna, using her fanbase to spread feelers all throughout London. She keeps special track of the dangers and dangerous people that lurk around the city, often serving as a safety guide for her fans day in and day out when the police do not do an adequate job. She doesn't wish for there to be a repeat of the Jeff Kramer incident, because—well. As much as he deserved it, murder is still murder, whether it was she who drove the man off the roof or if he stepped off it himself. The thing is, she knows she'd do it again if something like that repeated itself, so for her sake and others', she would rather no one get hurt in the first place.

The network, however, means she also has a wealth of information on the criminals of London, though she focuses not on the gangs but the individual killers, the sadists. She's willing to give this information out for a price, but it's not some paltry sum of money she's after—the price is one of protection. Her network was created because of the abduction of a little girl after all, and she will see to it that it doesn't stray from the path of preventing such a thing from ever happening again; her web exists to prevent the victimization of innocent people, and whoever wants her information had also better be committed to those ideals. She'll only sell to people who can give her a good enough reason why she should sell to them, and don't underestimate her—her standards are high, and she will be unforgiving if she finds out she's been lied to. Hard candies aren't meant to be bitten.