You need to get out more... [Peter + Iain]

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Now, how much more excited could Peter be?

Today was going to be pretty much the best day ever! He was going to the zoo today! Actually, it wasn’t even really the zoo that was making him the happiest boy on the face of the planet. He was going to be able to hang out with one of his favorite cousins (THE OLDEST ONE, ACTUALLY, HOW COOL IS THAT?!) Iain! No wait, that wasn’t even the best part! One of his other cousins worked at the zoo, and he could probably see him too! Excellent day times THREE.

He got to see Steven a lot, but he was pretty damn awesome. Iain was one of those guys you rarely got to see outside of his natural habitat, like a unicorn in the forbidden forest or a politician NOT kissing ass. Anyway, the effects of natural light on Iain kind of worried Peter, so he packed an umbrella. And sunscreen. Just in case. He could never be too careful! Actually, this possible aversion to natural light made Iain wanting to hang out with him that much more incredible. He’d risk melting or getting sunburn or combusting to spend time with his little cousin! Awww!

Tangents aside, Peter couldn’t help but be even just a little bit bouncy. But, this was normal. There was hardly anything he loved more than being actually wanted around for once. Other than maybe video games. And candy.

"So, I don't know if Steven's gonna be here today. He probably would..." Peter had unfurled a number of brochures and papers and held them in front of him almost to the full length of his arm span. He'd been to the zoo a number of times, knew it by heart, and was a champion of seeing every single exhibit most efficiently. So one would think by now he'd have Steven's schedule down. Sometimes things changed though!

"You've been to the zoo before, right?" Peter asked. "What's your favorite animal? I like sharks." Among any number of giant animals he could probably tame and ride. He had goals like that, to tame animals and use them as awesome steeds. But he'd have to do that when he was olde.r He already knew what he wanted to be when he grew up!

And someday he'll own like, five sharks.

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Iain had to say, he wasn't expecting a day like this at all. He wasn't bombarded with work, he wasn't attacked by raging agents who wanted real weapons instead of potato guns (even if they did deserve the toy for their brash behavior), and well, he was out of the lab for once. It was quite a great day. What made it better was that he was spending it with Peter of all people. Of course, most would think that Iain would get easily annoyed by Peter with the boy's constant chattering and bigger-than-life expressions. Well, Iain used to be like that, but then it was called growing up with the family. The difference between the oldest and the second oldest sibling was by four years. The difference between this boy and Iain was twenty years. If you look at it, how he deals with Donald would perhaps be strongly different than now he deals with a boy this young. Wrong. Iain had the patience of being almost saintly, almost. There and goes with the usual complaints and scolding, but other than that, he's somewhat hard to annoy... Or rather, he gets annoyed rather easily but just bottles it up deep inside - the latter seems more likely. But of course, this trip to the zoo. When Iain had seen Peter carry sun lotion and an brolly (umbrella for you none-Scottish slang people), he couldn't help but grin. As much as he doesn't see the natural sunlight that much, even in the day there isn't a lot of natural sunlight to begin with, it was still a nice thought... But he's definitely not going to comburst into flames or melt... But perhaps a sunburn is somewhat likely if the sky does part to allow this rare opportunity of sunlight in. He looked at the cousin who was bouncing quite a lot. A little sigh since he had expected this and Peter was just a twelve year old boy. He listened to Peter about how Steven might or might not be here today, which was then substituted with a question regarding to his own time at the zoo and any favorite animals. "Ah went tae th' zoo before, but 'at was a while back." A while back as in well... during his college years? Or was it even younger before? When he was still a kid? Anyway, that meant either ten or twenty years ago - and boy that was a lot of years. "As fur favorite animals..." He doesn't know. He continued to walk with the boy, thinking about it. What animals does he like? He had no preference and he honestly only like his dogs. Well, better to word it differently. Iain loves all animals so he finds no preference in them. "Ah have none." Though, better than to have the boy start asking questions on why. It's hard to explain. "Sae whit dae ye want tae see first?"

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Peter got a pretty big grin out of his cousin, even if all the initial worries were mostly unfounded. Iain found it funny, and that was enough to coax a grin out of Peter, whom otherwise might have felt upset. If this were Arthur, the normal response might have been ‘Stop being silly.’

Peter shoved the papers into the front pockets of his hood and, midwalk, attempted to pull it over his head to protect against the later winter’s dying chill. He listened – he was, even thought it didn’t look like it! - to Iain’s somewhat vague explanation of his time spent doing things that were fun and not spent cooped up in a dark room all day.

Hint: he didn’t do it often.

“Huh, this should be fun then!” Peter exclaimed with a light ‘oof’ as he popped his head out through the collar. “I try to come a couple of times a month – just to check on Steve. Someone has to keep him out of the animal cages, right?” He grinned cheekily up at Iain, pleased with his own joke.

“So if you don’t have a favorite animal, I suppose you don’t have one you hate, either?” Peter questioned next, straightening out his sleeves as they lay folded uncomfortably over his arms. Okay, there! Perfect! “If I had to say I hate an animal I’d pick cats.”

Cats… ugh. Nasty, evil things. Every cat he’d ever met wanted to claw his eyes out.

“You should lead, you’ve never been here before, right?” He reached back into his pocket and reopened the map of the zoo. “Looks like we’re closest to the bears, though.”

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He listened to the exclamations of excitement from Peter. The boy’s always energetic and that would always get a smirk from the older (and perhaps less enthusiastic) Iain. Well, even if the younging spend a lot of time at the zoo with Steven, the man was a bit glad that Peter would go again with him this him, even if he was the one invited to go. Iain chuckled when he heard Peter’s joke. He was amused with it to say the least and really he was glad that staying with Arthur didn’t really destroy any sense of humor the boy would have or might develop. Pray to the Lord for a miracle like that happened! “Aye, Ah dornt hae a dislike fur any animals.” The man mentioned to Peter’s question. He thought about it and really he never really found any creatures he hate. Sure, a few might be annoying, but never a very strong dislike for it. He was a man that loves all kinds of animals, be it from the smallest like a spider, to the largest like a highland cow. ”An’ corection - Ah’ve been haur before, jist it’s been a long time.” He does have a life - you gotta believe him! Though, it’s not like he’s going to refuse the offering of the position of being the one to lead (even if he has no idea where to head off at the moment). He peeked over towards the map - they were closest to the bears as so Peter claimed. Hmm... ”Want tae go see th’ komodo dragons?” In honest truth, Iain wanted to go see the komodo dragons. If there’s that slight chance that he believed in unicorns (which he doesn’t everyone) then might as well look at the creature that’s been dubbed as a dragon even if they’re more like lizards with poisonous saliva that don’t spit out fireballs or even fly. … Yeah, he has no clue on why they were called dragons. They are just giant reptilian creatures that are deadly - no resemblance to dragons at all who are also giant reptilian creatures that are just as deadly if not more.

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Well, that was boring. Iain didn’t seem to have any intention at all of elaborating on his answer, so Peter just decided to take it at face value. If he didn’t dislike any animals or like any animals, it could mean that going to the zoo with him was going to be boring! Oh no, he couldn’t have that! A staunch resolve gripped Peter’s spirit suddenly.

This was going to be the best day ever for Iain, or Peter would eat his shoes.

”An’ corection - Ah’ve been haur before, jist it’s been a long time.”Iain spoke, to which Peter held the map up for him to look at. He’d been here so many times before he’d seen pretty much everything about a billion times, so why not let Iain take a stab at directing them around? It’s what he did best, after all.

Okay, so then Iain bent on down and took a hard look at the map. The bears were just riiight around the corner, but they didn’t have to go see them! Bears were pretty boring and they were hardly ever outside, despite having a bunch of cool toys outside for them to play with. Nope, nope, humans are too scary and they had to hide.

”Want tae go see th’ komodo dragons?” Iain then asked, and Peter brightened. Of course he’d want to see the dragons! They were a little cooler than bears.

Peter gave Iain a mock salute. “Right this way, sir! I know the way!”

Peter was going to show off how well he knew the zoo. He expertly folded the map back up, shoved it into the front pocket of his hoodie, and then lead his cousin all the way over to where the reptiles were, and straight into the clutches of the mighty dragons!

They were drooling.

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Of course, this should be something that the researcher had expected - he was no expert on animals (please direct all animal related questions to his relative Kyle), but you only see such animated... lizards in movies and in pretty awesome nature documentaries. Expecting to see them be like that in any of the two in the zoo life was rare. He spared a glance at the man-sized creatures - they were tamed compared to the raptors in the lab, that was sure. Maybe he could give Peter a field trip to the lab one day. The halls were littered with Kirklands already, another one wouldn't cause any alarm... Even if he was in elementary school or something. If anything, they might as well just leave the zoo to visit the petting zoo at that farm in - kids like interacting with barn animals, right? But they were here, and Iain wasn't so keen on moving to the other side of London to just see some finger-licking-loving (and biting) pigs. Ugh, come on brain! You can think of something, right? Right? Oh, Iain remembered now. "Th' Indonesian locals wood caal 'em land crocodiles." That was the only sort of 'fun fact' the ginger could think of at the moment. Like what wasp previously stated, Iain was no expert on animals - that wasn't his district. He's better at building robots and cannons in the first place. Hell, he was pretty sure that Kyle would have some bizarre tale about how he tamed and rode a komodo dragon, and thought it how to do somersaults or something. Hm... He looked over towards the dragons that were simply just... being themselves in the exhibit. Wasn't there that one dragon - Sungai? "Huh, Ah wonder whaur 'at lassie went tae." He muttered - he doesn't seem to see her within the exhibit.

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Especially in zoos were animals hardly ever behaving as they would in their natural habitat—except maybe the big cats. Everyone knows lions and cheetahs all slept 20 hours a day anyway so it wasn’t as if anything had changed too dramatically. Hell, komodo dragons didn’t even usually pursue prey. They just bit something and waited until it died. The ultimate lazy.

“You know, once I get my pet shark I want a komodo dragon next.” Peter said bluntly. “Except it’ll think I’m awesome and not want to eat me!”

"Th' Indonesian locals wood caal 'em land crocodiles." Iain said, to which Peter merely let out a laugh.

“Hah! As if that’ll make me change my mind… hey, Iain! Which are you more scared of, a crocodile, or a DRAGON?”

Iain began to mumble to himself and seemed to look around through the exhibit with… concern, perhaps?

"Huh, Ah wonder whaur 'at lassie went tae."

Peter looked closer at the exhibit. Was he talking about one of the zookeepers or one of the animals. “Huh?” At second glance it did seem as those there were less animals in the exhibit than normal. The komodo dragons didn’t usually hide under rocks or anything rather than sitting in mud or water.

That was peculiar…

“Hey Iain, why did you get Aiden and not a smaller dog?” Peter asked suddenly. “Like, some people like little dogs but you got one of the biggest dogs ever, right? Why that dog?” Not that Peter minded, he was still the right size to sit on the massive dog’s back and ride him around, but that was something he was dangerously close to outgrowing. He was about to lose his glorious, noble steed.

“Like, I guess maybe I should get a smaller lizard… maybe. Bearded dragons are cool.”

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"Hey Iain, why did you get Aiden and not a smaller dog?" With Peter's inquiry, Iain was interrupted of his musings - though, it would have been for the better since a distracted Iain was just too uncharacteristic in front of Peter at times. "Ah chose Aiden coz Ah loke 'em big dogs." The ginger said with a grin spreading across his face. "Havin' a big dog is a true sign of maniness!" With that, he flexed his right arm to just show off how manly he was. Well, Iain wasn't really thinking about how many he was when he was picking out his puppy really. In fact, when Iain was walking through that pet store, he was ready to buy a small breed because of the previous apartment he used to live in (since college students would never afford a fancy shancy house unless they were the sons/daughters of some rich bastards). "Actually, Ah was ready tae buy a wee dog before Ah saw Aiden." He thought about the moment when he had laid eyes on the small and adorable deerhound with the pink paws and all. "Th' wee thin' was busy playin' by himself instead of th' rest of th' puppies." Ah yes, the tiny little puppy just playing by himself. If anyone had thought that puppies playing with and nipping each other was adorable, a lone puppy rolling a rubber ball topped that. "Like, I guess maybe I should get a smaller lizard... maybe. Bearded dragons are cool." "Lizards ay? Did ya know 'at the bearded lizard's venom has enzymes useful for treating diabetes?" Iain was not a fact book, he simply just waste his time reading random facts. In fact, where did that fact even come from? Iain didn't even recall reading an article on the internet about that... Must have been something from a co-worker or something. The researchers back in MI6 likes to look into their own little projects and whatnot.

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"I'm not complaining or anything!" Peter recovered. "I was just curious. I like Aiden as he is. Hey! Remember that Halloween when you let him dress like a horse so I could ride him? Gosh, that mush have been a while ago." He rambled onward, balancing his feet on the sturdy wooden fence that protected guests from taking a tumble down into the reptile's large pit.

"... I'm going to be too big for him, soon." Peter frowned, his voice despondent. "I won't be able to do that kind of stuff anymore, not with any dog." He hopped off of the wooden beam and moved over a space with the massive lizard, which dragged itself lazily across the dirt and grass but was oblivious to the child following it. "I actually asking Arthur for a dog but he said the spider was enough. I can't play with Shelob, though. She'd rather just sit on my shoulder and hang out, but that's cool because she makes Donald shriek like a girl."

He couldn't see Iain with a small dog and only laughed. "You're probably the only scientist-type guy I can ever see being manly at all." Never get a small dog, Iain. You risk shattering the illusion.

"Lizards ay? Did ya know 'at the bearded lizard's venom has enzymes useful for treating diabetes?" Useful Trivia with Iain Stuart-Kirkland. Weekdays at 14:00.

"No... no I didn't know that. When exactly would that be useful for me again? I don't have diabetes." Peter's mind briefly flashed to one of Arthur's lectures, about how Peter's endless consumption of sugar would one day give him diabetes. Was Iain making a snarky reference to Peter's eating habits?! He ate healthy! Usually! Sometimes.

Crap.

He crossed his arms and huffed. "And I won't get it either, so there."

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Iain snickered at Peter's protest on getting diabetes. Honestly, he was not poking fun of Peter's eating habits (but Arthur be damned for not letting this kid have a nutritional meal for once). In truth, Iain would be guilty of such sugary sweet temptations. "An' Ah hope ye dornt. Arthur woods scold th' both ay us - he'll probably blam me wi' influencin' ye wi' 'at sugar intake or somethin'." Plenty would scold him and shove other food in his face if he would bring a fried candy bar-- hell fried anything to work. That has happened before really, the Quartermaster spending his time not improving the nation's technology, but was deep frying candy bars and various other things. Course, such feats were only done once in a while... yeah... once... as in last week. Hell he should be the one blaming Donald, that bloke would be eating nothing but crisps every thirty minutes. Like seriously? Chemically made cheese dust covering nothing but corn meal and oil - that be very appatizing. He ruffled the lad's hair, "Weel, oan th' bright side, Arthur doesnae keep up wi' his meals - at leest he's concerned abit whit ye eat." ... Wait - did Iain really just complimented Arthur right up there so easily...? Did that so-of-compliment just left his lips like a buttered up ring? Uh, seriously let's just move on to other topics... like... like "Speakin' ay eatin' - how's th' lunch at school? Still shitty?" Wow Iain wow, give yourself a pat on the back because you had just won the award for being the best conversationalist ever. He felt like face-palming himself for the attempt to change the topic. That attempt was poor, very poor. Ugh, maybe he should actually stop spending long times in the lab by himself, pulling off those all nighters.

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Sometimes Peter wondered how he managed to understand anything Iain said. Him and Donald both, who said a lot of crap that confused the poor boy, but he usually understood enough of their harsh rambling to get the gist of it. It must have been impressive, watching this extremely English lad talking to a Scot.

"An' Ah hope ye dornt. Arthur woods scold th' both ay us - he'll probably blam me wi' influencin' ye wi' 'at sugar intake or somethin'."

HAH, yes. Arthur wouldn't blame Peter for that. He's an impressionable young child! Or so he says, when he decides to go on tangents about who Peter hands out with, family included. Arthur always had a thing or two to say about relatives and 98% of the time they were never good, unless it involved Cerys.

"That's probably why he never bothers to do any cooking. I'm pretty sure the kitchen is haunted or something, because even when Luci tries to cook it sets everything on fire." Arthur wasn't the only person incapable of anything culinary in the Kirkland household.

"Weel, oan th' bright side, Arthur doesnae keep up wi' his meals - at leest he's concerned abit whit ye eat."

"We usually go out, but he tries to stay away from anything too unhealthy." When Peter got hungry enough he'd eat anything, though, so usually feeding him wasn't the most difficult thing ever.

"Speakin' ay eatin' - how's th' lunch at school? Still shitty?"

Peter sputtered. Oh man, was that an invitation?! Could he reply with that same swear??

Uh, let's not. There was an old lady sitting next to them who looked as if Iain had summoned the devil.

"There's rumors that they make the meat out of kids,s o I enlist Luci's help and just take food with me." He explained.

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Meat out of kids, savory. Most would have assumed that school lunch was nothing for Iain, seeing as he is the one that can scarf down a haggis without the need of the Heimlich maneuver being used on him or without him throwing up the contents of his stomach into a bin. Yet, even the standard lunch in the educational system can bring a man such as him down. In fact, the mere thought of school luncn in his student days was enough to disturb Iain to the point of being unable to feel the holes being stabbed into him by the old woman's beady little eyes. "Aye, ye a smart lad. Whit they try tae feed ye nowadays? Pizza? Rumors have it 'at one ay mah coworkers foond a finger nail in th' slice when he was in school." Gross - and they only assumed that it was a finger nail and prayed that it was. If it was a toe nail, then all of them would never be able to even look at a slice of pizza ever again. "Weel, better pizza than mystery meat." And better mystery meat than haggis - but that was just a person's own opinion. At least haggis could be made to taste like fine ass. To be honest, it wouldn't be survived if it was school lunch in the first place that wreaked the taste buds for nearly all of the British people - this is why they get the shitty cooking stereotype slapped on to them; this is why their taste buds are forever ruined. Shame to see that his youngest brother was the living embodiment of that stereotype. The only redeemable part of Iain's cooking isn't cooking at all. It's baking shortbread. "Mebbe Ah shoods pack ye some haggis a body day fur lunch." Of course, he was only joking, since sheep organs don't exactly seem like the thing kids like Peter would want to eat. Hell, other adults probably wouldn't be able to stomach that shit.

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Peter was about ready to hop on out of that conversation, screeching “Nope!” with every step. He’d found some pretty weird things in his lunches from time to time, normally bones and shells and unmixed powders that got cooked on accident. It was stuff he could pick out of a lunch and just continue on his merry way downing the food. But a nail? Hell no! That was getting into major barfing territory, and the boy expressed a clearly disgusted look on his face in response.

“Nope. Nope. Stop right there.” A hand flew up to silence the Scotsman. “We’ll have none of that!”

In an effort to drain out the memory of – ugh – nail lunch, Peter had temporarily forgotten the question entirely. God, that was going to bother him all day and now he was wondering if any of his friends had found that kind of crap in their lunches. Wasn’t that something they normally expected of Americans? Luches with razor blades or rat poison or some crap because no one really cared? Pah! Good to see the English were generally no better. He’d heard some pretty amusing horror stories about American lunch situations.

And then haggis.

Yup. Haggis.

A shiver ran up the boy’s spine and he twitched rather obviously.

“No! You’re kidding!?”

No matter what Iain thought, fine arse was still just arse. And if that was the case, he’d prefer food charred by “Merlin’s Ghost,” the paranormal being Arthur joked lived in their stove.

“Well, I guess if you did, I could share it with my friends and watch them suffer.” Maybe the haggis wouldn’t be so bad after all – as long as Peter wasn’t the one eating it! “I kinda wanna meet the guy who made haggis, you know?”

So he can grab him by the shoulders and shriek, ‘What were you thinking!?’

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He laughed at the younging's reaction to the discovery of a human nail in such slice of food. Mhmm... imagine all of the dirt and boogers crammed once under those nails, and to now have the opportunity to have a second-hand taste of it. Fucking brilliant. "Aye, Ah'm pullin' yer legs, boy." Of course Iain was just kidding. One, Arthur would make it impossible for the guy to give Peter anything that is supposed to be 'edible'. Two, he felt that school authorities would actually try to confiscate the sheep mixture of guts and organs and put it in quarantine. However, the ginger had to nod in agreement with Peter. It was certainly much more amusing to watch people actually try to stomach the monstrosity of food and to watch them suffer and cough each and every second. The only problem would be the fact that someone would have to convince the poor suckers into eating one of them in the first place. Almost everyone knew the stories of the horrid haggis, and most would just stay away from it when they can (unless they grew up on that shit, then it just tastes slightly less terrible). "Mebbe if ye have some transfer students it ay th' coontry ur somethin'." Yeah, then that would mean convincing the poor sobs into trying a single bite of a haggis would be much easier. The Scotsman didn't know just how much international infamy the haggis has earned in such a flat and culturally mixed world they were in, but hopefully it wasn't that bad to trick a few people. After all, it wasn't harmful or anything. Long a long-term point of view. "Aye, an' ask th' bloke if he was a Sassenach or not."

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