Spill Your Secrets! {{Past // Luci&Nesia

[Deleted]

Nesia had been avoiding her. Lucille stared hard into the pages of Facebook, as though a new status update would crop up that would suddenly make sense of the entire situation. She wouldn't have thought anything of it if it hadn't been so sudden, if they hadn't gotten along so well before. Sure—she'd been apprehensive about the room arrangement at first, because she was just some silly, newcomer sophomore, and according to the info she got, her roommate was to be a senior just a little shy of graduation. Like, wow, what a nuisance she must be as the newcomer, who spoke with French-tinged English and who didn't know anyone in the entire city at all. She was so sure that her roommate would be annoyed with her right off the bat, and she'd be living in a miserable hell until she would be allowed to switch rooms.

Well—that didn't turn out to be the case, which was awesome and all, because Nesia was nice, smart, and like, totally gorgeous (no joke). Even though she was a much better listener, a lot quieter, and definitively more polite than Lucille, they somehow managed to jive and become friends, which she did not regret for the world. But that was also precisely why she was concerned. Usually, they'd get back and have dinner together, watch some films or TV series if there was time, Lucille would beg for Nesia's help with her homework, they'd chat about their day… Except sometimes Nesia would give only the barest details about her activities and there were a bunch of time jumps in there that she couldn't quite explain. And whenever Lucille called her during the day, say for like, lunch or something, the phone would be left ringing or Nesia would pick up and give some hasty excuse. Needless to say, it was suspicious.

So what was it? A secret lover that she was hiding from Luci, her bestest ever girlfriend? School stress? Or was it something a little more sinister, a little more similar to the things Lucille did when she vanished off campus a few hours during the day? But that like, wasn't possible, was it? Frowning, she abandoned her laptop and slid off the bed, padding over to the small fridge in the corner of the room. Nesia was such a good person. She got straight As like, all the time or something and helped Lucille when she needed it and even nursed her through a cold once. Someone like that couldn't be involved in something illegal, she assured herself as she pulled a can of Coca-Cola from the fridge. Popping it open, she drank with a hand on her hip, staring intently at the blank wall she was facing. No, she was certain that Nesia was occupied with something else. Maybe she was being bullied? Lucille didn't think bullies existed anymore at their age, but you never knew. Besides, Nesia was just so nice she could probably be taken advantage of—oh those bastards. Lucille's eyes narrowed. If she found out that it was anything like that, she would make sure that they were in for a hell of a reckoning.

Certainly, such a possibility only made Lucille more nervous about the whole thing. She just had to ask Nesia about what was going on. Not that she hadn't tried before, but the other kept managing to brush off her concerns with some excuse or another, or retreat back into the hallway. This time, Lucille vowed, she was going to get a clear and believable explanation and she would damn well barricade the door in order to have that conversation if she had to. Still staring at the wall, she gave a resolute nod, and as though on cue, she heard footsteps from down the hall. Guessing that her roommate was back—her suspicions confirmed when the doorknob turned—Lucille's expression softened into a smile. She was going to make sure that they were both well and comfortable and that Nesia wouldn't suspect a thing before she brought it up. "Hey, Nesia!" she greeted with a grin. Raising a hand, she briefly shook the half-empty Coke can. "Want one?"



{{Nesia Notonegoro: Aah I hope this is okay and that I left it open enough and that I didn't horribly mischaracterize anything I said about Nesia ff-- Just tell me if you need anything changed. yuy

[Nesia Notonegoro]

685 words and full of secrets

N esia held her books close to her chest, her eyes were set forward to the path leading to the student dormitory. Once in a while she glanced at her surroundings, as if she believed someone was following her here. So far she only saw other students around her, and that relieved her. Nesia quickened her pace until she reached the building. It was her last year in college and her graduation day was getting closer. Assignments were piling up, but they were not the only ones that made her so stressed. The one thing that caused most of her stress was completely unrelated to college. It was haunting her in her sleep, estranged her from her friends and acquaintances, and making her extra careful with what she typed in social media. No one may find out that Nesia was involved with the Russian mafia. She didn't voluntarily doing so, no. She was forced. The other option available to her back then was only death, and Nesia was too young to end her life just like that. But that didn't mean Nesia would just stand idly doing whatever her boss wanted her to do. She was determined to fight back, and one way to do so was to leak information about the mafia to their enemies. Like the police, or whoever had the duty to protect the citizen of London. However, it was a dangerous job. And that was why she chose to break up with her boyfriend no less than a week ago. She wiped her eye with her sleeve. For many nights she always cried herself to sleep, muffling her mouth with her pillow so her roommate would not hear her sobbing. Of course, Lucille had asked why she woke up with puffy red eyes, but Nesia always answered that it was because she studied too hard. The younger girl didn't seem to believe it after a while, although Nesia didn't even try to give a more convincing explanation. Instead, she deliberately avoided her. She knew it was suspicious, but it's for Lucille's own safety. Just like why she left her boyfriend. Guilt began to fill Nesia's heart. Lucille had been a good friend for her, like a cheerful little sister. Nesia could tell everything to her: school problems, crushes she had for people around campus (and off campus), things about her family half a world away, and many more. Then suddenly she stopped talking to her save for the occasional hi's and bye's. If Lucille knew too much... who knew what the mafia would do to her. Nesia didn't want to drag her into the crime world after all. "Hey, Nesia! Want one?" Nesia blinked. She was too preoccupied with thoughts about mafia and didn't realize she had opened their dorm room. Lucille was there, drinking a can of cola. She smiled and nodded. "Sure, I'm really thirsty now. Thanks." She set her books on her table and sat on her bed, yawning. Remembered on her own thoughts on the way here, Nesia asked her, "have you finished your homework?" It wasn't uncommon for her to ask about her homework, because Lucille often forgot and Nesia felt that it was her duty to remind her. "You should have come with me to the library, I managed to finish mine there," she added. Deep down, she was glad Lucille wasn't with her earlier. One of her boss' underlings, Kittyboo, was outside of the library building. Despite the cute codename, Kittyboo was a six foot man who could bend a lamp post just by using his thumbs. He didn't see her, but Nesia saw him from the second floor window. Thankfully, he was gone by the time Nesia left the library. Still, Nesia didn't know why he was there, disguising as a civilian, but she suspected it might have something to do with her. Mr. Braginsky might have sent him there to remind her, that the mafia knew where she lived and whom she socialized with. Nesia needed to protect them all. She straightened her back and looked at her roommate. "Let's get some food."

LAIKA OF GS!

[Deleted]

Lucille wasn't usually the most perceptive person, that probably went without saying. Subtle cues were not easy for her to pick out, and she usually preferred the blunt and direct approach, but she wasn't without her moments of sensitivity. Those instances arose more regularly when it came to friends, and when she actually noticed something off, she would push the matter until the truth came out, or at least try. She knew that sometimes she'd just have to let off, on the principle of being a good friend, but in this case, it wasn't as though she'd officially tried to get Nesia into an actual conversation about the whole thing. If Nesia still wouldn't tell her, then fine. She hoped it would be done out of the other's best judgment. But she wouldn't give up and let Nesia mope about without having tried at all.

The signs were obvious as Nesia entered the room. She was in thought, Lucille could tell, but it didn't exactly look like the good sort of in thought like 'oh, I just aced my test' or 'oh, i just met the cutest guy at the coffee shop.' It was more of 'damn, I'm in some deep shit.' Still, Lucille wasn't going to bring it up just yet, so instead she grinned and opened the small fridge for another can of soda, cracking it open then handing Nesia the beverage with a cheerful "Here you are!" It was easy to carry on conversation like normal if she just pretended that she wasn't absolutely planning on ambushing the other with questions later on, but Lucille enjoyed their conversations when they happened, now that having them regularly seemed to be out of the question. Oh well—she was going to be setting out to rectify that anyway.

She returned to her own bed, Coke still in hand as she sank down into the mattress and ran her finger over the mousepad to wake her laptop. The reading assignment she was supposed to be doing was open, though somewhat conspicuously blocked by a window currently displaying Facebook and an unanswered message. "Uh—yes?" she said in answer to Nesia's question. It wasn't exactly a lie; she'd just taken a break once she decided she'd been too distracted trying to figure out what was on Nesia's mind. What was the point of doing it if she couldn't concentrate, right? "Well, I was taking a break," she amended quickly, knowing that Nesia would probably find out either way. "And I don't like the library; it's not as comfortable as here." As if to prove her point, she left her soda on the beside table and sprawled out on her bed. She might as well be relaxed if she was going to put herself through the grueling work of studying.

The room went quiet for a few minutes as Lucille answered the Facebook message and Nesia seemed to lapse back into thought. Luci was just beginning to strategize a way to ask what had been on her mind when she spoke up. "Let's get some food," she suggested, and that was a proposition that Lucille could agree with whole-heartedly. The conversation could wait until after dinner. Or during dinner. Whenever the opportunity was best—though she didn't think she was the best at judging such timing—but she'd just have to work on gut instinct. It really wasn't easy, not being the most sensitive person in the world and yet wanting to be a structure of support for her friends, but she supposed she could feel her way through.

"Yeah that actually sounds like a great idea right now," she agreed. "I'm hungry." That was no surprise—she usually was hungry, and because of that, their room was usually stocked full of snacks bought by appeals to Francis' or Estelle's or Arthur's pocketbooks. "Where do you wanna go? Cafeteria's still open or we could go into town or we have leftovers from yesterday ooooor, uhm, microwave meals…" She ticked off the options on her hand, always open to whichever location as long as there was food involved, though she would somewhat prefer to eat in their room. After all, she wouldn't want to broach a sensitive topic in public.

[Nesia Notonegoro]

555 words

❝ Ohh thank you." Nesia gladly accepted the cold can of soda from Lucille's hand. She sipped the fizzing beverage, relishing the feel of cold metal on her lips. She drowned down her worry together with her drink. Now that she had returned to her room, safe and sound within these walls, such thoughts shouldn't be brought here. This was her safehouse, where she could be an ordinary college student with high hopes and big dreams just like what she used to be before meeting him. And Lucille... her best friend shouldn't find out about it. Nesia listened to her roommate talking about the break. Her eyes were looking at her, but Nesia barely listened to what she was saying. She only nodded and made "hmm" sound, the can swaying slightly in her grasp. "You can focus better in the library," she said, putting her soda on the table. "I didn't like it at first, but it helped me a lot." Lucille could get better grades too. Nesia had been trying to get her to spend more time studying subtly, but sometimes she disappeared in the middle of the day and didn't return until long afterwards. She was curious about her disappearance, but it wasn't her place to inquire why. It might be for personal reasons. "...Cafeteria's still open or we could go into town or we have leftovers from yesterday ooooor, uhm, microwave meals…" The mention of meals pulled Nesia back to reality. She tilted her head to one side, her fingers were tugging the end of her ponytail. "Cafeteria is too far and noisy," she remarked. Not that she mind it, but her previous encounter (if it's counted as one) with Mr. Braginsky's underling made her not wanting to leave the dorm, at least until tomorrow. "Microwave meals and yesterday's leftover will do." She jumped down from her bed and went to the cupboard. For several minutes she occupied herself with preparing the food. Hunger is the best distraction she has now. She felt Lucille's eyes were directed on her back as she was facing her instant noodles. Awkward. Oh, this was so awkward. They used to be so merry, happily laughing at their homework and impending tests. But things changed, and now Nesia can felt the solid separation that grew between them. Maybe now was the best time to start talking about it. Fortunately for Nesia, she did have a safer secret to share with her roommate. She just needed to be careful not to divulge everything that had happened. The Indonesian girl had done it before, with someone else, and while the result was far from good, it did achieve her intended outcome. But this one would be a face to face conversation, not a phone call. This would be harder to do. Once her food was ready, Nesia placed it beside her soda can. Then she drank some more to prevent dryness settling in her throat as she prepared to talk to Lucille. She addressed her roommate as a start. "Lucille... I..." Nesia inhaled deeply, letting the delicious smell of instant noodles filled her lungs. "You remember Niklaas, right? That pianist from the jazz club?" And without expecting a reply - because she knew Lucille remembered about the man she had talked about so often - Nesia continued, "I broke up with him."

LAIKA OF GS!

[Lucille Nibourette]

Whatever was happening, she didn't blame Nesia. She was curious and really, really concerned, but that didn't mean she thought Nesia was doing this out of a bad intention. Her friend wasn't that sort of person, so Lucille knew that she must have a good reason for it. Still, their growing distance had a dampening effect on Lucille's spirits; she was hurt that Nesia had cut off much of their interactions without so much as a warning or a half-explanation. It wasn't so very wrong for her to want to know, was it? The culprit for their increasingly estranged relationship. Even a vague explanation would be satisfactory. If that conversation was going to happen though, she wanted to ease into it, make the pressure as light as possible.

She hummed in response to Nesia's suggestion. Despite the casual conversation, however, it seemed like both of their minds were on something else. "Yeah—maybe I'll try it sometime. I don't know," she said, shrugging, her tone a bit more distracted than she'd intended. Damn, she wasn't supposed to let show that she was feeling pretty sensitive to Nesia's behavior at the moment, all so that she could choose a moment when she could broach the subject.

Food was a fair change in topic though, a much nicer one than studying. She felt her own hunger more sharply as she ticked off their list of options. "Yeah, that's true," she said, agreeing with Nesia's assessment. She didn't feel much like leaving her bed, anyway—if she left then came back, there was probably no hope of her finishing off the rest of her readings. Though there was probably no guarantee that she would finish them, anyway, depending on how their discussion went. She tried not to stare as her friend went about starting on her meal, but it was hard; it was so hard to watch her friend who she used to be close to (could be again, she hoped), yet to feel the gorge between them even as they stood in the same room. And it wasn't just their relationship that was suffering; she could tell that whatever was happening, Nesia was getting hurt from it too. Lucille wanted to help, but she couldn't possibly, knowing what she did (or didn't).

Just as she was dwelling on the matter, however, Nesia spoke up. "You remember Niklaas, right? That pianist from the jazz club? I broke up with him." The confession came as a surprise that left Lucille speechless for a moment. She remembered Niklaas quite clearly. Nesia had always spoken so vibrantly about him, but he seemed a bit like an intimidating and unfriendly guy to Lucille. But Nesia had been happy with him, or so Lucille had thought. She frowned. Come to think of it, she hadn't heard much about Niklaas lately. Was the break-up the cause of the misery then? It didn't make sense for Nesia to distance herself from her for that—the situation felt a little too cold for it to just be the effects of a mourning period. Nevertheless…

"Oh, Nesia," Lucille said, voice filled with sympathy. Sure, she was still skeptical if that was the sole cause of Nesia's behavior, but Nesia had just told her something pretty painful, no? Whatever she thought about it as an explanation, it didn't stop her from feeling a rush of emotion for the other girl. She couldn't help climbing out of bed and going over to Nesia, giving her friend a gentle hug. When she pulled away, she searched Nesia's face for an indication of how she felt now about the break-up. Had it been a long enough time for the heartache to wear off?"I'm so sorry. When did that happen? And—well—what happened?"

[Nesia Notonegoro]

311 WORDS my muse needs some rest from these angst ._.

T ell her. I just did. About Braginsky. No! Unaware that her revelation had birthed silence, Nesia hunched before her steaming meal, stirring the broth so the steam could escape. Her gaze - if a mere look can be sharper than a blade - was pinned at her bowl, imagining the curly golden threads chopped into pieces. Nesia knew Lucille was still looking at her - her back, at least, as she digested what Nesia told her. To be honest, finally telling her about the breakup was relieving. Yet it also made the event more real, more solid, shoving itself even further to her sinking heart. Nesia's first relationship died before it had a chance to bloom. All thanks to Braginsky. But no. Nesia doubted the men knew each other; Niklaas did not seem like someone who dealt with Braginsky's folk. Sadly, that was her reason to end their relationship. Dragging an innocent man into the underworld was the least thing she wanted to do, because keeping it a secret would be impossible as time passed and they grew closer. She felt her body pushed forward a little when Lucille wrapped her arms around her body. "I'm so sorry. When did that happen? And—well—what happened?" What happened? "W-well..." The Indonesian's voice came out before she realized she was still facing her noodles. She turned, back leaning on the table, eyes deliberately avoiding her roommate's. "I... I guess we have our own differences, you know? And my studies are demanding quite much for me. It's... it's too soon to start a relationship." Nesia bit her lip. "B-but that's not what really matter to me right? I-I'm supposed to just study and be diligent--" she choked, her voice brimming with sadness. "L-later I'll find someone better than him, so... I'll be okay." Too bad the tears that fell to her soda can betrayed her statement.

LAIKA OF GS!

[Lucille Nibourette]

She was at a loss. Lucille Nibourette was a girl who loved to cozy up to other people's business, to comfort upset friends, but the romance department? Especially when it came to guys? She hadn't a clue what to say in return, and she was fairly certain that murder wasn't the answer that Nesia was looking for (though it had grown to be the only answer Lucille sometimes knew). Yet, now, she was incapable of providing a solution, and Lucille just stood there, a mildly shocked expression on her face, unsure how to react as Nesia's voice cracked and her tears spilled over.

If she could make it so that none of her friends ever cried again, she would, Lucille thought absently, watching in a daze as salt droplets dripped and condensed on the soda can. She wished she could take Nesia into her arms and soak up her grief, she wished that the tint of that despair could drench her instead. And it was a cruel reminder of her powerlessness that she could not. She couldn't make the memories go away, she couldn't make the bad feelings disappear. She could only watch, her heart hurting at the sight of her friend's sadness. She hated watching. She hated being helpless, and that was the entire reason she did what she did.

But what help would that be now?

At least this wound will heal, she thought to herself. Nesia was not another Donna waiting to happen. She was not fourteen, and she was not a child to be devoured by wolves. She was not a corpse. She was not in her grave. She was not Lucille's mother. She could recover, Lucille reminded herself. Breakups were commonplace, after all. But even that train of thought couldn't dispel the sudden tremble in her being, awoken by Nesia's tears, the small shake in her fingers reminding her that she couldn't protect everyone. She couldn't keep them safe. She couldn't keep them happy. But this wasn't about her, she scolded herself. This was about Nesia. Nesia and her boyfriend. Just a boyfriend. (And her father had been just a husband.) Concentrate, dammit.

Gathering herself, Lucille gave her own face a little smack, squeezing her cheeks until she could force the creeping thoughts into a corner of her mind. (There they'd stay until the next time someone was hurt, someone she could have helped, and she would hate herself for not having foreseen, for not having been one step ahead, as she had vowed to be when she watched Jeff Kramer take his own life.)

"Let's go sit down," she suggested, with an artificial certainty to her voice. Gently taking Nesia's arm, she guided her over to her own bed (spread with a blue image of dolphins), and sat her down. The food would grow cold, probably, but it wasn't like they could be in the mood for eating now. For a moment, Lucille just sat silently, still lacking the words for comfort, her eyes absently following the bright blue trail of interwoven threads that grew into waves. Finally, she gave a vigorous nod at Nesia's own suggestion.

"Yeah, yeah. You'll be just fine, Nesia, I know you'll be!" she said determinedly, hoping that she sounded confident in spite of her cluelessness. "I-I mean, you'd probably find out that he wasn't all that great anyway! Like, what if he snores really loudly when he sleeps? Or maybe he picks his nose and wipes it under the table! He could even be a mob assassin or something, and maybe you just barely escaped his devious clutches!" Her words caught and died an abrupt, awkward end, and Lucille fell silent, wondering if trying to make Nesia laugh was really the solution. After a moment, she added, a bit quieter, "I think you'll always have another chance. There are plenty of people out there, and you won't be studying forever. At that point, I guess you'll find someone again. Maybe it'll even be him, I don't know…" She took a deep breath and exhaled, thinking back to her mother. "But heartbreak happens, and then it passes… I think."

Does it really?

She didn't let herself to dwell on those doubts, and allowed her words to continue their disjointed parade, barely cognizant of what she was saying. Perhaps some of it would resonate with Nesia at least, and the more things she said, the more chance she had of getting it right. So she thought.

SPOILER: Click to show

Nesia Notonegoro: Took some liberties with taking Nesia away from her food, let me know if that wouldn't work fff

[Nesia Notonegoro]

433 WORDS

S he was not a girl anymore, she was supposed to grow up already from this dramatic, emotional events. Nesia was an adult so she should face this like an adult too. But she did not know that being an adult is this hard. Someone clipped off her hope's wings and Nesia was ready to do anything as long as she can be a child once again. This world scared her. The student wiped her tears and placed her soda can to the nearest solid surface. She could not trust her fingers to hold any objects when she's in this state. The last thing she wanted to do was wiping spilled coke all over the floor, and considering that it was Lucille's gift, it would sink her heart further to see it spilled. And -- get yourself together, Nesia! This is just a heartbreak, perhaps it was good that she never see it fully flourished. Now she had more time to spend studying or working. She had seen heartbreaks before, both fictional and real. Everything moved on eventually. But how long is the time she needed to do so? She was so sure that this was different, that he was different from the boys she had crushes on during her school years. The Indonesian let her roommate led herself to her bed, feeling its soft bedsheet against her calves. Nesia half-heartedly listened to Lucille's voice. The Seychelloise and herself were similar in terms of personalities, yet she was brighter and more cheerful than Nesia lately. She liked to see herself as an older sister figure for Lucille, but right now their roles were reversed. "Like, what if he snores really loudly when he sleeps? Or maybe he picks his nose and wipes it under the table!" That prompted a mix of sob and laugh from Nesia's mouth. Tears came streaming down her face again, this time because of the image popped in her mind from Lucille's assumptions. Oh it would be quite a surprise if he really did the things she just said. And she was right. Heartbreak would pass, no matter how long. And there'd be more men she would meet, men more decent and better for her. (Nesia pushed the memories of the men she saw the other night. They belonged to another world, a place she would never look for a potential lover) She smiled to her friend, unable to say anything but "thanks." And her stomach rumbled again. Nesia pulled her in a brief hug, then stood slowly to approach her noodles. Hot or not, she still wished to devour it.

LAIKA OF GS!