Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2013 12:22:41 GMT -8
Whoever says that all of the lawless never go to a church, ever, is a dirty liar. The public act as if they're demons, and that they are unable to step on holy ground. True, there are some that don't go, for whatever reasons they may have, but Nikolai is one of the few that does. He isn't sure why he still has some sort of faith in a god, but he does and that wasn't going to change any time soon. He was raised to with that faith, and it stayed.
There wasn't anything that managed to steal it away from him. Despite it all, good or bad, he still keeps believing, hoping, wishing things would get better. He knew that miracles didn't come out of nowhere, they took time. All he could do was wait for one to come, however long that would be. He isn't very religious, but he was religious enough to pray and stop by the church whenever he could.
So there he was, kneeling in front of one of the pews. There wasn't anyone else around, since usually people came during services. The Belorussian tended to come when he knew others wouldn't visit, usually during the middle of the day while others were at work. He would come in silently, kneel, said a few prayers, then got up and left. He made sure not to overextend his stay, since there was a chance someone could come by and recognize him. He would be in trouble then.
"...Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned...I...I have sent another up to your ranks. I didn't mean to. It was an accident... She got in the way, I couldn't help it. She was the third person this month... I'm sorry. I wish that she didn't walk in. I was just...I had to shoot her. I couldn't risk getting caught... People aren't always as forgiving as you..." he said softly, his hands clasped together, his eyes closed and his head tilted downward.
He had made many mistakes before. He has done so many things...some which he regrets. He knew lawless were supposed to be "cold-hearted", "cruel", and "evil" in the public's eyes. Some of them were, he had to admit that, but there were a few who were like anyone else. They had feelings, they were just like any other person...with just illegal jobs. They felt regret, they had feelings just like anyone else, they had a conscious that made them feel guilt. Nikolai was one of them. He wasn't a cold-blooded murderer...well, usually. There are some times where...he tends to...well, lose himself...
"...I...I beg for your forgiveness for the act I have done. I am well aware what could be happening to her family. Their pain, their sadness, all because of one single bullet. She...she was just a child too. Too young to have to be sent to your care. But please, take care of her...and...let her know I'm sorry..." he went on, his voice cracking slightly. God, why couldn't it have been any other person? He would have been fine if it was anyone but a child.
He...had a soft spot for children. They were too innocent to have to deal with any of the dark aspects of the world. They deserved protection from that darkness, not...having to walk into it and lose their life.
He could hear the rain fall outside. 'I should probably get going now before it gets worse...'[/i] he thought. He said a few more words before standing up.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
The pattering of rain on the window was a calming sound, so to speak. Now, they only reflected what he felt on the inside. He stood still for a while, trying to get control over his feelings and shove them in that bottle. 'It was just a person, they got in the way and had to be dealt with. Nothing more than that...' he thought, coat in hand.
But it wasn't any other person, it was a child. An innocent child, one now laying six feet underground with a bullet wound in her head. Man, he was never going to let this go... Last time something like that happened, it took him a month or two to fully get over it. Gah, it would do him no good if the same happened now... He had things to do, places to be, people to see, and he can't afford to let himself get distracted by this of all things.
There wasn't anything that managed to steal it away from him. Despite it all, good or bad, he still keeps believing, hoping, wishing things would get better. He knew that miracles didn't come out of nowhere, they took time. All he could do was wait for one to come, however long that would be. He isn't very religious, but he was religious enough to pray and stop by the church whenever he could.
So there he was, kneeling in front of one of the pews. There wasn't anyone else around, since usually people came during services. The Belorussian tended to come when he knew others wouldn't visit, usually during the middle of the day while others were at work. He would come in silently, kneel, said a few prayers, then got up and left. He made sure not to overextend his stay, since there was a chance someone could come by and recognize him. He would be in trouble then.
"...Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned...I...I have sent another up to your ranks. I didn't mean to. It was an accident... She got in the way, I couldn't help it. She was the third person this month... I'm sorry. I wish that she didn't walk in. I was just...I had to shoot her. I couldn't risk getting caught... People aren't always as forgiving as you..." he said softly, his hands clasped together, his eyes closed and his head tilted downward.
He had made many mistakes before. He has done so many things...some which he regrets. He knew lawless were supposed to be "cold-hearted", "cruel", and "evil" in the public's eyes. Some of them were, he had to admit that, but there were a few who were like anyone else. They had feelings, they were just like any other person...with just illegal jobs. They felt regret, they had feelings just like anyone else, they had a conscious that made them feel guilt. Nikolai was one of them. He wasn't a cold-blooded murderer...well, usually. There are some times where...he tends to...well, lose himself...
"...I...I beg for your forgiveness for the act I have done. I am well aware what could be happening to her family. Their pain, their sadness, all because of one single bullet. She...she was just a child too. Too young to have to be sent to your care. But please, take care of her...and...let her know I'm sorry..." he went on, his voice cracking slightly. God, why couldn't it have been any other person? He would have been fine if it was anyone but a child.
He...had a soft spot for children. They were too innocent to have to deal with any of the dark aspects of the world. They deserved protection from that darkness, not...having to walk into it and lose their life.
He could hear the rain fall outside. 'I should probably get going now before it gets worse...'[/i] he thought. He said a few more words before standing up.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
The pattering of rain on the window was a calming sound, so to speak. Now, they only reflected what he felt on the inside. He stood still for a while, trying to get control over his feelings and shove them in that bottle. 'It was just a person, they got in the way and had to be dealt with. Nothing more than that...' he thought, coat in hand.
But it wasn't any other person, it was a child. An innocent child, one now laying six feet underground with a bullet wound in her head. Man, he was never going to let this go... Last time something like that happened, it took him a month or two to fully get over it. Gah, it would do him no good if the same happened now... He had things to do, places to be, people to see, and he can't afford to let himself get distracted by this of all things.
